Murphy’s Law For Contrarians

  • Language, your greatest weapon, has already failed you — “contrarian” is the best title for what you are.
  • Don’t make love to the crowd when it’s looking to get fucked.
  • The people most eager to argue are the least qualified.
  • Not having a sense of humor should be a crime, but instead it’s hailed as a virtue.
  • Distrust anyone whose answer to an imperfect system is a perfect system.
  • There’s no one more dangerous than a true believer looking to have a “discussion.”
  • If your argument is working better than you expected, it’s because you lost 5 minutes ago.
  • Dumb people want to leave feeling smarter than you.
  • Cynics hold a lantern in search of the one honest person; contrarians, a mirror.
  • The Socratic Method points both ways.
  • “Even-handed” and “objective” are not the same thing.
  • Arguments that depend on understanding more than one concept can’t always be delivered that way.
  • Improvisation requires references the audience won’t understand.
  • Empirical evidence doesn’t work as well as a good story, even if it’s a lie.
  • A quiet audience is a bored audience.
  • The people most in need of hearing what you have to say won’t understand you, and don’t want to.
  • If you’re short of everything but opponents, you’re live.
  • No statistic survives contact with the internet.
  • No fact-based argument survives contact with a Millennial.
  • You or your ideas can be immortalized, but not both at once.
  • The self-righteous will hate you, the vulgar will misunderstand you, and the intelligent will disavow knowing you.
  • Murphy was a contrarian

Originally published at The Dreaded Candiru.

Also published on Medium.

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